Mini-Update

To Whom It May Concern:

I've always thought there were better ways to address a letter to someone who you don't know is going to read it, but that's just my own opinion. I personally like, "Hi There!" or "Hello."

Haha, anyway here is the logistical side of things. For those of you who do not know, I am currently living in Jacksonville, NC with my mom. I'm here to save money and raise both financial and prayer support for the UNC-Charlotte church plant.

The prayer and plan at the moment is to be in Charlotte with the rest of the team (Keegan & Amy Rice, David & Renée Johnson, Bekah Maier, and Shannon Beamon) by January. I have been looking and applying for jobs for the new year in Charlotte as well as roommates and potential apartments.

Right now I Jacksonville, I am currently job-less even though I have been applying diligently since August to a plethora of different temporary and part-time positions. However, I have been doing some odd jobs here and there, which is more of what I like anyway because I get to work hard for the Lord and bless other people more directly.

Personally and spiritually, this has been a difficult season to adapt to. Though I do attend the church I "grew-up" in (I only went there my senior year in high school, yet I learned my first lessons about Jesus there) and attend a couple LifeGroups, there has only recently (the last Sunday) been a singles ministry and it has been hard to find like-minded Christians. This season has been like an addendum to the lesson that I learned while at camp for a summer separated completely from Christian fellowship. Only, instead of being separated from Christian fellowship, my heart is simply somewhere else.

Now I want to make this clear, the church and fellowship I am with now is great. I love the church and the people. Everyone I have met there loves Jesus and this is one of the fastest growing churches in the country, so don't get a picture of a dying church or anything of the sort. It simply doesn't have the same culture as the one I have become accustomed to in the Great Commission Churches. This has risen a lot of great introspective questions that I have been praying and thinking though and has led to great revelations from the Lord. However, now is neither the time nor place to address them.

All in all, the truth that God is faithful has become ever more clear in my life. I now simply need to trust that truth and remember the great and awesome works that God has done in and through me. To end, I will share the verse I read this morning: Jeremiah 29:11-12

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.

Now I am not "claiming" this promise as my own, because this was issued to Israel from God through Jeremiah in the midst of almost 50 chapters of "doom and gloom," as it were. I am, however, encouraged and reminded that in the midst of darkness and depression, God still makes provision for His people.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Question 6 - The Big One

Is this really what God wants for my life to be able to best glorify Him with this life He's given me?

As I mentioned in the original post, I had been contemplating a lot of heavy issues of my heart at the end of the summer. All of the questions really culminated up to this final point really. This question is really two questions in one: a) Should I be doing Ministry? b) Have I utterly failed in St. Petersburg?

a) I'm pretty confident that no matter what I get paid to do, I will be proclaiming Christ's name. However, should "ministry" be the long-term career that I seek? *Side Note* I speak of "ministry" as a professional career here. I believe that everyone should treat their everyday circumstance and job as their own ministry. However, that's a discussion for another time. *End Note* Well, if my "end-goal" is to see Christ come back before I reach the end of my life, then yes, I believe that it should be my career. However, I cannot let that long-term goal (which is great!) allow me to lose sight of the present time and age in which I am a part of. I need to see every opportunity as an opportunity to share the gospel of Christ!

b) I think it is so easy to see the lack of d-groups and people coming to Christ during this project as a sign of failure. Yes, we want to see fruit, as it were, for our labors. However, we are called to so abundantly and faithfully and to labor diligently; not to be harvesters. If the hundreds of people that we have shared the gospel with this summer don't come to know Jesus until 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or even 30 years after we're done here, will I/we still see this project as a success? YES! Of course!

I'm reminded of Ezekiel and Isaiah who were commissioned to spread the news of God's kingdom to people they were specifically told that would not accept it. BUT, they still went out and God set aside a remnant to hear and repent and believe.

This is my heart.

My utmost desire in this lifetime is to see Christ's second coming. I desire that and want that so badly that sometimes... actually, A LOT of times it makes me critical of others and my own life. The root issue and question of almost all of these previous questions is this: 

If I die before Jesus returns will I be bitter against God, or will I simply rejoice in the fact that I was able to live my life to honor and glorify my Savior King to my utmost and give everything I had in steadfast pursuit of the single greatest and most loving cause this world has ever seen?

THAT is the question. I pray that God would continually mold and shape my heart so that it is the latter and never the former.

Question 5

Am I looking to God first for my provision and rest and to carry my burden?

In a sense I am, but if we look back to the struggle question #1 then I am also looking elsewhere for my peace and pleasure. James 1:16-18 tells me that God gives every good thing. He is the ultimate provider for all of my gifts and any goodness, so why don't I practice ASKING Him for those good things? I need to hold onto the promises that Jesus provides on prayer. I can ask anything I wish and it will be done for me (John 15:7); if I ask in His name, it will be done (John 14:13); God, like a father, longs to give me those things that I truly desire (Matthew 7:7-11); and that God hears the prayers of the humble (Psalm 10:17).

Ok, so that last one obviously isn't form Jesus. However, after I claim those promises, I need to put them into practice. I need to be praying... A LOT! As Ronald Dunn put it, "Prayer is work" and I cannot afford to neglect it. I need to be casting my burdens upon the Lord (Matthew 11:28-30) and asking Him to lead me to the right actions after that.

This is simply an answer to one of the questions I had on my heart at the end of LINC. You can see the original post here.

Question 4

Is Charlotte God's desire for me?

As far as Charlotte is concerned, this question came from another question that was asked by my good brother, Michael Ashton, last night while he was speaking about the Dominican Republic: "Where can I most effectively multiply my life for God?" Now of course, he was talking about the question that he asked himself when deciding what he should do for his summer vacation. However, it made this question come up in my life and as I wrote these answers, the answer popped into my head.

Sometimes it is necessary to leave a place so that others can step-up and take the lead. Am I leaving Grace with brothers who will step-up and take the lead in my stead? You bet! I'm so excited for Keith, Zach, Justin, Jeremy, Trent, and Albert. These men are going to blow what Keegan, David, and I did out of the water. I pray that they simply can team up and work together for God's greater kingdom not only in Raleigh, but also in the future.

So, now that I haven't answered the question, I will say yes. Yes, I do believe that Charlotte is the right place for me to not only give others the opportunity to step-up, but also because it is so ready for the gospel. It has the great potential to be a highway for the gospel to reach the nations, if only that's what God wants. I pray that it would be so, but I pray even more that if UNC-Charlotte is not, that God would lead Keegan and myself to wherever it is that He has a highway planned.

This is a series of answering some questions that were on my heart. You can see the original post here.

Question 3

Is my heart too calloused and hardened for God to use me?

First of all, yes I skipped question 2 on purpose. The answer was very specific and personal. In the great words of Forest Gump, "That's all I gotta say about thayat." As for this question, it really stemmed from a lot of things that happened this summer. I just sensed that throughout the summer, I had become more blunt and more hardened rather than seasoned with grace and pliable by God. Here's my answer:

This is a ridiculous question, for I know that even if my heart were calloused and I turned away, God would still be able to use me. Look at Pharaoh and Nebuchadnezzar. I suppose the real question is if I will be humble enough to want to be used by God, or will I continue to be stubborn. I've been walling myself up with the burdens of others, while still casting mine upon Him like Matthew 11:28-30 says to. However, I have let a root of bitterness spring up within me. I am biased against those who I sense or feel as "weak." Reality is: I am weak. 

I need to humble myself before the mighty hand of God so that He may exalt me (James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:6). Also, I need to remember that Jesus is in each of my brothers and sisters. I need to remember that God has shown me so much grace that I cannot refuse to show grace to others. The answer really comes in 1 Timothy 1:5 (what I briefly was able to read) 

"The aim of our charge is to love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

My heart needs to be pure and my conscience needs to be clear. I know that I have been dragging guilt about wherever I go because of my sin, and I need to offer that up to God. Romans Chapter 8. Need I say more?

Inadvertently, I answered question #7 as well with this answer. See the original post here.

Question 1

Will I ever be free of the sin of my own heart?

This was my first question, and I'm glad I asked it first. The whole summer I had been struggling with pride and selfishness and a whole other myriad of sin that had hindered my relationship with God and with people in so many ways. In a sense, I was just "fed-up" with my flesh, so I searched the scriptures and this is what I found:

In a sense, I will never be rid of this sin nature. Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Later on in Romans 5, God's word says that we have all been cursed with sin, however, at the same time through Christ we have righteousness. I know that I will never be free from my sin nature (not until Heaven, at least). This is absolutely clear to anyone who reads the scriptures, lives a life interacting with others, and is humble enough to be sensitive and submissive to Christ's Spirit.
With my particular sin that I struggle with, I need to trust and believe what Paul writes by the Holy Spirit in Romans 6:6 

"We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin."

Later still, he speaks of being slaves and bondslaves to Christ and His righteousness. So in all, I know that it is possible to see victory sin in my life because I trust the scriptures to be 100% TRUTH, and it says that I can be a slave to righteousness instead of sin.

See the original post here.

Some Questions of the Heart

There I was, sitting in Starbucks. Contemplating all of the heavy issues that had arisen over the course of the summer of LINC. It was the last Sunday Sabbath we would have while at LINC, so I took the time to just get away and read (or that was the plan, at least). As I started reading 1 Timothy, I couldn't even finish the first chapter without God really pressing that there were some loaded questions that I had to work out. So, I did. 

The Friday before this particular Sunday, we had church. The teaching by Mark Trujillo was simply a summary of the summer teachings to keep the vision in front of us. Well, there was one particular question that stuck out to me:

"Has there been a burden too heavy to carry alone this summer?"

I couldn't think of one. I knew that I had been bearing others' burdens with them, because that is what we are called to do in Galatians 6:2. However, was I being prideful and not letting others help me with my burdens? Trust me, I had a lot of them this summer. Immediately I thought: Have I become less gracious this summer? Has this summer hardened my heart? Have I focused so much on myself that I have forgotten about the growth of others?

With these questions swimming through my mind that Sunday, it's no wonder that I couldn't just read the Word and relax for the last time. The reason I was reading 1 Timothy in the first place is because I had not been a good example of a godly man lately. I was calloused and hardened towards others over a game... A GAME. I was sickened with myself because of times like then. Seriously, God had some questions for me to answer by His word. Here are the questions:

1. Will I ever be free of the sin of my own heart?
2. Will I ever be ready for marriage?
3. Is my heart too calloused and hardened for God to use me?
4. Is Charlotte God's desire for me?
5. Am I looking to God first for my provision and rest to carry my burden?
6. Is this really what God wants for my life to be able to glorify Him the most with this life He's given me?
7. What are some healthy habits to be practicing grace towards others?

Now these questions were personal, and very close to my heart. With that said, I wanted to use these questions to share just a piece of my heart with you guys by answering them. Just click on the question, and it should take you to the answers.